It’s a Sunday over here on the yard. The sun has long since been up and regardless of what time I went to sleep last night, past midnight though which just doesn’t happen much for me anymore, I am still an early riser. The sounds of the chicken’s however got me moving this morning. The egg laying calls which signal I have slept in, leaves rustling out by the side fence, and just the chatter of my lovely ladies; 16 hen’s and counting. I can almost feel the season changing into fall-I love the fall most. This little piece has taken some time to get started. The coffee had to be made, the dogs fed, the cat let in and out; all of that while I shuffle around the house on my hardwood floors in my slippers. Not to mention just the fact that my mind wanders from here to yesteryear and back in an instant, sometimes it just wanders into the back-forty with the chicken’s and the sounds of the birds in the trees.
Last weekend I went on an amazing trip, one might say a once in a lifetime trip. However I have a feeling there will be plenty more once in a lifetimes with him, there have been so many already I stopped counting. We rode to Los Angeles from Sacramento along the coast and back on his Harley for a concert to remember, one I definitely will. The music was classic, it was actually called The Classic West; from a time when I was young and the memories were still good, it is still my favorite music. I know he wondered if I could make it, I knew I could and as I always told him leading up to the trip-it would be him who would have to haul me, I would just be holding on and I did.
I am a crier. I never was a crier before. From a very young age I seemed to have shut off emotions altogether. The means to feel anything for anyone had long since been removed almost out of necessity or second if not first nature, even for myself. The gift of being in touch with yourself and the capacity it takes to feel all the feelings, the good and bad is something I will never take for granted again. Many years after I found a new way to live a common theme resurfaced from my past. Did you even care about me? Did you ever even love me? The answer was always the same; yes, to the best of my ability.
Gratefully the tears of joy and gratitude constantly flow from my face on a regular basis today and everyday for the life that I live now. I often times reflect while I am driving alone in the car; I spent so much of my previous life in solitude driving in a car on my way somewhere. Always thinking. It’s no wonder that driving is still a time for reflection for me. Being on the back of a bike was something completely different. So much so that I came home and started window shopping for my own, but that story will be another day in the future. The sense of freedom I felt while riding through California was astounding; it literally took my breath away. There was a lot of healing happening on the back of that bike for me while he hauled me from here to there.
I have managed to do quite of work on me, the inside stuff throughout the years. What I know is that it will probably never be done, that work of the heart and soul; I am thankful for the knowledge of that. It is like that onion they speak of, layers. Sometimes even though you have healed that part, something comes up to remind you of it and you get to do a bit more healing. If you are lucky enough to look at how it affected you and your choices.
Well on the long ride home I shed a whole layer of that onion just like that along with a quite a few tears. Maybe it was the scenery? Maybe it was the company? Maybe it was both? More than likely it was just the time it took to get where I needed to be, metaphorically, to let some of my past go. That trip would take me through quite a bit of my life; on a long desert highway, cool wind in my hair.
I lead a pretty charmed life nowadays, one that is full of love. I don’t think he will ever have to wonder once if I love him either; my eyes tell a different story today. In fact no one wonders anymore if the light is on, I can’t stop shining. This little tale started in the wee hours of the morning and ended up taking a hiatus until my return from another ride, just a day trip with friends celebrating life! My chicken’s are now on their roosts for the night; in fact my own little chicken’s, my daughters, are ready for bed too goodnight.
The Chicken Lady