Addict · Life · Mother · Recovery

Life is so precious….

It is not a Saturday or a Sunday and it’s not even morning- I wrote these words last year on September 25, 2016 and just needed to publish them. What is it about September? Another beautiful soul is gone way too soon and nothing can change that. What I’ve learned is this, the statement that is at the end of this little exceprt of Christine’s life-
LOVE without fear of regret, in a blink of an eye everything changes.
What I get to keep doing is reaching out no matter what. Love those close to me and share my feelings because today I have them. I choose no longer to isolate, sit in misery, or visit a grave on a regular basis. It is not who I am. I celebrate life to the fullest-now, with all those I love. Yearly I have a family altar for Dia De Los Muertos, it has since grown to my extended family. Those that I choose to have in my life and those that were in my past life that I have loved in some way or another- no matter what.
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Sunday Morning with Coffee and Chickens…..
Life is so precious….
As I look back a year ago today, well into my 7th year, I was in the middle of what I now call my Series of Unfortunate Events. Mom’s heart attack, my nephews overdose who I’d cared for as my own son, and something else that just seems so trivial now; all within about 10 days.
What I know today is that it’s just life on life’s terms, and just like that life changes. The days that followed those events were rough. It took me a minute, a long minute, to get into the solution.  After a surgery mom recovered thankfully, the death of my nephew my children took hard, so did I but no one knew. I locked it in for a while. The kids father took them all to his families a few states away to mourn, I was not invited nor would I have went, there was just too much going on with that.  I was left alone in my house, and you know what they say about an addict alone; well it’s true for this addict.
I did not want to leave my hammock and the chickens were all I wanted to talk to.  I was traveling a lot for work, which meant I was isolated and alone where no one knew me.  I could not pick up the phone to call or read my literature.  There was this man though in Amarillo, Texas who posts the Just For Today and don’t you know I could look at Facebook. Then I started to identify and I finally got this ass to a meeting.  It was not over yet though, it was just beginning, the disease is tricky.
I started telling myself I needed my friend, she would get me straight, tell me bitch get your shit together and I told you so!  I am my disease, my thinking is the problem.  She, my dear friend is in her addiction, my ride or die.  She came for only a brief moment and we were like Peas and Carrots again, but clean; then she left.  I was going to go get her, I was on my way.  I decided to stop into this little hole in the wall meeting in the hood to get some recovery armor on before I went and knocked on that door, a meeting I had never been to before.  That is now my homegroup, I never went to the door.
It got worse though in different areas before it got better.
Today, I know all that allowed me to grow in ways I never thought possible.  I blossomed.  We grow or we go I have heard.  That is just one of the reasons I celebrate this year’s milestone with such gratitude!  I am 8!  Whatever that looks like for this lady.  I will continue on this journey of self discovery, doing the work, no matter what.  I am blessed to live an amazing life today, one in which I do not take for granted.
These past few days we have lost some beautiful souls, I am still in disbelief as I wake and find out the news is true.  Say I love you often, cherish those who mean the most to you, forgive when needed because you just never know.
LOVE without fear of regret, in a blink of an eye everything changes.
The Chicken Lady

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