Addict · Addiction · Bloggess · Family · Life · Life story · Mother · Recovery

Coffee and Kisses with a Side of Addiction

The Preface

As the story goes everyone has at least one good book in them. Or so I’ve heard? So I guess I am going to give it a shot.  I made a commitment to myself that I would start writing, or as in this case blogging everyday on January 1, 2018- it is now January 4, 2018.  Better late than never as I always say!  The ridiculous thought to getting a late start would be just to wait until January 1, 2019 because I already missed the mark I set for myself, that would be my head talking. So on with the show!

I am determined to make this a love story, my love story. The journey to love myself. Christine- a Blogging Goddess; and the road that it took to get her there. This has been a bit of a twisted road and at times a not so pretty one either.  One that those who have somehow been a part of my path might not actually appreciate the words that I clack away on the keys. If you heard me typing that is the exact sound- clacking. Those people would more than likely be my family by the way. For that reason and many more this will be the first entry of the New Year on my blog and the last entry delivered to my social media account on Facebook.  I will unlink it after this post.

Family of course chooses to remember things in a different manner at times. A more bright and cheery picket fence, all is well on the outside don’t look on the inside manner. That is how I was raised. Hush Christine, don’t you dare! This is my recollection though, a reflection of my past. At this point I really am not sure how much of my childhood I will delve into.  Let’s face it though, it is what makes us. Or it is what formed me into the woman who I have become. Am still becoming. The choices that we make from our youth will inevitably steer us in the direction we go. Whatever that direction is, either good or bad, all choices lead somewhere. Not only that, we also have to deal with the fact that sometimes “stuff” happens in our childhood that is not the norm, this said “stuff” that happens in our childhood may actually influence those same choices that we will eventually make long into adulthood. Whatever the case, I survived the choices that I made to be here today to clack these keys.

Today I am grateful that on the journey that I have taken I finally came to the realization that I am an Addict, a very grateful one. An addict in recovery. That self-realization has allowed me to grow in ways that I never knew possible. It has allowed me to live a life I have never in my younger days would have been able to dream.  It has opened me up to possibilities I never would have imagined.  I could go on but I am sure you get the picture. She, I, am unstoppable!

Now by this title you would guess possibly that this is a love story between a man and a woman, or whatever floats your boat. It is that as well in a way. I am in love. I have been in love before but not like this. My idea of what love looked like in previous years we will get to eventually in this saga of sorts that I plan on jotting down over the next 365 days. It has never looked like this though. Some very close to me know that I had thrown the towel in on love a few years ago, on partnership and companionship altogether in “that” way.  I had grown weary of the mundane games of the opposite sex and I have never been into the same-sex. That’s not my story. Weary enough so that I shut down and closed myself off towards advances of all types. Not interested was the sign that was emblazoned across my forehead, with a smile of course.  Please don’t think of me as a shrew. I had just come to the point in my life where I was very happy alone with myself, raising my two girls who amazingly enough through perseverance managed to regain custody of and still have a few years of parenting with them, being a part of my grand-children’s lives and let us not forget the dog Snoopy, the chicken’s which I have no time for all their names (yes I name them), the cat Hermes and all of the friends I surround myself with.  That is the love that I had chosen to fill my life with.  I am enough.

Wouldn’t you know it though, at the point in my life when my only goal was to reach 20 chickens in my flock, which ironically three years ago today on January 4, 2015, I received my first four chickens as a gift from an old friend; there he was.  It was as if one day I opened my eyes and voila! No seriously that is how it went. He sent me a friend request on Facebook. Now the truth of the matter is that I may have seen his picture previously with a mutual friend. I am not sure which came first, the picture with the friend or the friend request? When I saw that picture though my heart skipped a beat.  Who am I kidding it skipped several beats.  It would be funny to say the rest is history but just like anything good, that took some time.

The reality is it is not the end, it is just the beginning.  We just spent our second New Years together this year, this one actually in the same physical spot.  Although my heart goes where he roams and boy does he travel, I manage to lead a pretty full life myself that takes me places too.  We both have very full lives from careers to family and friendships; all that matters is that we have found each other. At least that is all that matters to me. So I hope if you stay with me you find some enjoyment, some wonder and some tears.  As for me I will have all those things and some healing too. I hope.

The Chicken Lady

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